Waiting for Callback Page 6

  ‘Elektra, would you get off that phone for five minutes and talk to me?’ My mum was still trying to get my attention.

  ‘I’m not not telling you,’ and for once I wasn’t, ‘but honestly nothing much happened. They just sort of looked at me and measured me and took photos.’

  ‘That was it? Really? They didn’t say what would happen next?’

  ‘Nope, that was it.’

  And neither of us could draw much encouragement from that.

  ‘So, about that biology test.’

  Great. The car ride home was going to be a long one.

  From: Stella at the Haden Agency

  Date: 11 December 11:25

  To: Julia James

  Cc: Charlotte at the Haden Agency

  Subject: Straker (working title) project

  Attachments: Casting brief.doc; character scenes.doc

  Dear Julia,

  Would Elektra be free for a meeting at 5 p.m. on Wednesday 17 December at the Spotlight Offices, 7 Leicester Place, WC2 with Janey (director, Suited Casting)?

  The meeting is to put some scenes (attached) on tape for a great role in an upcoming feature, working title STRAKER. I should warn you that the casting team are looking at a lot of girls, but whatever happens this is fantastic audition experience for Elektra! I’ve attached the casting brief they sent over as well as the scenes so that you have as much information as possible – but please can I stress that this project is Top Secret. Let me know if Elektra’s available as soon as possible, please. And can I remind you both that the number-one rule for auditions is to be on time? (Early is even better!)

  Kind regards,

  Stella

  P.S. Well done to Elektra for getting her first audition under her belt for the Greenlight Dead Drop project last Wednesday. I’ll let you know if we hear anything.

  Attachment: Casting Brief

  STRAKER (working title) is a fast action drama set in post-apocalyptic Europe. Straker and her family, psychologically damaged by the harrowing events that have shaken their world, must fight against the Warri tribes who are the only other survivors.

  Production Details

  Production Dates:

  To be confirmed

  Company:

  Panda Productions/Universal

  Director:

  Sergei Havelski

  Casting:

  Suited Casting Ltd

  Location:

  TBC but to include London, Northern Ireland & Hungary

  Pay category:

  Paid

  Character Breakdown

  Straker, female, playing age about fifteen years, white, accent RP/ neutral.

  Pretty, slim with long hair and an innocent expression that belies her tough inner and physical resilience (no make-up at audition, please).

  This character has several key scenes with dialogue and we are looking for an able young actress to carry this role.

  The details of this project are currently confidential and it is important that the character breakdown and summary and scenes attached are not discussed with, or especially shown to, any third party.

  ‘I could eat out in the woods, I would eat bugs . . . I can take care of myself.’

  Tom Cruise

  ‘Dad and I are going out,’ said Mum in the sort of voice I’d have used to announce a Nobel Prize win (or getting the jeans I really wanted in the sale). ‘Eulalie is coming over to chill out with you.’

  ‘Did you just say “chill out”? No, don’t answer that; let’s just move on. I don’t really need a babysitter.’

  ‘I know, but I thought that you’d have fun.’

  ‘Are you sure it wasn’t because you were worried that the minute you left me alone a) a burglar would break down the front door and attack me, b) the kitchen would spontaneously combust and c) I’d invite over a hundred friends and have an impromptu house party during which everything that hadn’t already been burgled or burnt would be trashed?’

  ‘The first two, yes.’

  ‘That’s actually quite insulting.’

  ‘Sorry, darling. Now what should I wear?’

  ‘Where are you going?’ I asked.

  ‘Just a restaurant but a nice one.’

  ‘Your blue dress definitely and wear heels.’

  ‘I can’t walk in them.’

  ‘Wear them anyway,’ I said firmly.

  Her phone rang. ‘Oh, hello, Stella.’ She listened and I held my breath. ‘Oh, I don’t think so, no.’

  ‘What?’ I mouthed at her.

  ‘She’s right here. I can ask her.’ She turned to me.

  ‘Stella wants to know if you have any mime skills. You don’t, do you?’

  I definitely did not have any mime skills. ‘What are we talking? Basic? Advanced?’

  ‘Did you hear that, Stella? Hang on, I’ll put you on speaker.’

  ‘Pretty advanced.’ Stella’s voice sounded tinny. ‘It’s for a European co-production; they seem to be taking their mime pretty seriously.’

  ‘I could learn?’

  ‘No, it’s for something that’s shooting next week. The girl that they cast has broken her arm.’

  I could see how that would get in the way of the miming.

  ‘Could I wing it?’ I asked.

  Stella laughed. ‘No, Elektra, you definitely could not wing it. But I appreciate the enthusiasm. Don’t worry, there’ll be other non-mimey roles. I’ll be in touch.’ And she rang off.

  ‘Oh, well,’ said Mum, ‘I’ve never been a big fan of mime.’

  Me neither but that really was missing the point.

  ‘Come on, I’ll run the Straker lines with you before I get changed.’

  ‘Seriously, Eulalie, you have to help me,’ I pleaded, opening the door to her (Mum, perfectly styled, had already gone to meet Dad).

  ‘Of course I am helping you,’ said Eulalie, putting down two large shiny Selfridges bags and kissing me on both cheeks (twice). ‘What is the emergency?’

  ‘I need to run my lines for the Straker audition. Mum’s been driving me mad because she keeps doing it with a weird accent and with actions.’ For someone that didn’t like mime, she used a lot of gestures.

  ‘I too will be doing it with a weird accent, but no actions I am promising.’

  ‘Yes, but it will be your own weird accent and not some strange actor-y thing. Do you want me to make you coffee?’

  ‘Can you do a tiny little espresso, please?’

  ‘I don’t think I can,’ I said, looking at the kettle and the ground coffee.

  She glanced at her watch. ‘A tiny glass of wine?’ That I could do. I poured her a large glass and we went to get comfy in the sitting room.

  ‘What is he being about, this Straker?’

  ‘I don’t know very much, but it’s crazy exciting. Basically, the world has all but ended and Straker – who’s my character . . . well, the character I’m up for – is all, like, super traumatized and complex. She has a romance with Jan, who’s the son of the chief of the Warri tribe, and they’re basically responsible for the survival of the human race or something like that.’

  Eulalie looked confused which was fair enough.

  ‘Look, it’s not in the gritty realism genre.’ I handed her the scene I had to prepare. ‘Have a read.’

  Scene 8: Interior. Damp is coursing down the rough walls of the mud shelter. Straker and Winona [Straker’s mother] are sitting cross-legged on the floor. There is a shallow pot in front of them. Straker is shaking, clearly afraid. The atmosphere is strained.

  STRAKER

  (trembling) I can’t do it.

  WINONA

  Yes you can. You have no choice. I know you’re hungry.

  STRAKER

  I’m so, so hungry.(Puts her hand out to the bowl, but draws back again, disgusted.)

  WINONA

  (fiercely) EAT them.

  STRAKER

  I can’t. They’re . . . wriggling!

  WINONA

  (picking up a fat white
maggot and eating it whole) EAT the bugs, Straker. Just EAT the bugs!

  STRAKER

  It’s horrible.

  WINONA

  Not as horrible as death.

  ‘So, you are wanting me to play this fierce Winona?’

  ‘Yes, please.’

  We ran through it a couple of times. I was word perfect, but that wasn’t very impressive because I only had fourteen words and I’d been practising non-stop since Stella had sent them through four days ago.

  ‘Do you think I’ve got the disgust down well?’ I asked. I should have. I was borderline phobic about maggots and in denial about acting with them (if you can act ‘with’ a maggot).

  ‘Yes, you are very revolting,’ said Eulalie. ‘I am not understanding this.’

  ‘What bit?’ I asked her.

  ‘The bugs,’ she said.

  ‘It’s because there’s been a big eco-disaster and they’re, like, practically the only survivors and there’s no food – well, no Sainsbury’s or anything – so they have to eat bugs to survive.’

  ‘I am understanding that,’ she said. ‘But bugs are délicieuse!’

  ‘No, I don’t think they are,’ I said with some certainty.

  ‘Have you ever eaten them?’

  ‘No.’ Obviously not.

  ‘Ah, you are missing something, chérie. The maggoty ones like these are sort of mushroomy and nutty; crickets, they are more crunchy, like little prawns in their shells.’

  ‘How do you even know this?’ Anyway, I didn’t like mushrooms or nuts.

  ‘One of the most romantic nights of my life was sitting under the stars in a beach bar in Mexico, eating bugs. I was with Sebastian. He was very, very handsome.’

  I’m sure he was; they always were. ‘I wouldn’t eat bugs for any guy,’ I said. Not even Archie (but I didn’t say that out loud).

  ‘Not for a man, chérie, with a man. It is not AT ALL the same thing.’

  ‘Still no,’ I said firmly.

  ‘We can do a googly on bug recipes?’ she suggested hopefully, getting out her iPad.

  ‘Better not.’ I didn’t want to look at hundreds of Google images of bugs, cooked or not. ‘I can’t start imagining that Winona is serving me a delicacy or I’m going to totally muck this scene up. This is a dystopian, miserable, messed-up meal scene, not a Mexican seduction. Can we do it one more time?’

  ‘Perfect,’ Eulalie said when we’d finished. ‘So, what are the costumes being like? This can be a problem with these end-of-the-world movies; sometimes the costumes are not so good.’

  ‘I think if you’re eating maggots there probably isn’t a functioning department store’ I said. ‘Will you do my French homework for me?’

  ‘Bien sûr, but fill up my glass because French grammar is so very, very stressful.’

  I went out to the kitchen to get the bottle of wine for her; it seemed like a fair bargain. As I walked back into the room, I saw her shaking her head over my exercise book, ‘Non, non, non! This is terrible!’

  ‘What?’ Had she stumbled over my 37 per cent test result on the imperfect subjunctive?

  ‘This is a very bad comprehension,’ she said. ‘Marianne is in the supermarché doing the shopping for her maman and it is saying here that Marianne is buying quatre pommes. This is not possible. She has trois frères et deux soeurs: plainly, she is needing many more than quatre pommes.’

  ‘They never make any sense,’ I said. ‘Last week there was a whole page on “having fun babysitting”; nobody ever has fun babysitting.’

  My phone barked. It was Moss.

  BuzzFeed has spoken

  And what has BuzzFeed said?

  I’ll be in a ‘meaningful relationship’ within three months

  Yeah, right

  BuzzFeed is never wrong

  She attached a pic. Yep, her quiz results were pretty conclusive.

  BuzzFeed is sometimes wrong. It said I was a Ravenclaw and I’m obvs a Hufflepuff.

  True, but I’m cautiously optimistic. What are you up to?

  Doing French homework with Eulalie

  You mean Eulalie is doing your French homework?

  Yes

  Would she do mine? The long exercise on comparative and superlative adverbs, p.79 of textbook. It starts (appropriately) with ‘I have the worst teacher in the school’.

  We were in different sets for French because Moss was less hopeless than me. ‘Eulalie, will you do Moss’s French homework too?’

  ‘Of course, chérie. Just pour me a little tiny extra glass of wine.’

  From: Charlotte at the Haden Agency

  Date: 19 December 14:38

  To: Julia James

  Cc: Stella at the Haden Agency

  Subject: RE: Holidays and update

  Dear Julia,

  Thank you for letting us have Elektra’s holiday dates. That’s great. And thank you for your messages about Straker (working title). No, we still haven’t heard anything from the casting team about rearranging the auditions. We’ll let you know if and when we do. I’m afraid this is just how it goes.

  We did hear back from the casting team on Dead Drop, but unfortunately they’re not taking it any further with Elektra this time. All good experience though!

  We’re not aware of anything coming up in the immediate future that would be a good fit for Elektra so do have a relaxing Christmas holiday. Fingers crossed for an exciting New Year!!

  Best,

  Charlotte

  WAITING

  • Only a little bit distracted by Christmas and New Year.

  • No good parties (not even any bad parties).

  • Number of auditions: 0.

  From: Jonathan Tibble, Deputy Head, Berkeley Academy

  Date: 6 January 16:01

  To: Parents of Year 10; Parents of Year 11; Parents of Year 12; Parents of Year 13

  Subject: Social with St John’s School, 9 January

  Dear Parents,

  I hope that everyone enjoyed the festive season and that the girls are rested and ready for a productive term.

  The PTA has emailed details for this year’s social (this Friday, 9 January). I would encourage all the girls to attend, as mixed, friendly events are an important chance to develop social skills and our association with St John’s School is longstanding.

  That said, I would like to take this chance to remind you (and ask you to remind your daughters) that our expectations are that the girls will behave as well at the social event as at any other school event. In particular, I would like to stress the strict Berkeley Academy rules regarding alcohol, cigarettes, etc. (I refer you to the School Handbook).

  Whilst I am optimistic that all will go well, poor behaviour will incur sanctions.

  Best wishes,

  Mr Tibble

  Berkeley Academy: Believing and Achieving since 1964

  ‘I think everyone goes to more parties than me . . .’

  Daniel Radcliffe

  Moss was leaning off the edge of the bed, trying to mouth-hoover up dropped Maltesers that were just a bit too far away.

  ‘You look like a stingray.’

  ‘What? Why? Do stingrays wear neon leg warmers? Is it the blue eyeshadow? It is the blue eyeshadow, isn’t it?’ Moss had come over to mine to get ready for the social. It was eighties-themed which explained the neon leg warmers and the eyeshadow. In so far as they could ever be explained.

  ‘No, it’s because they, like, swim along, hoovering stuff up from the sea floor.’

  ‘Wow, so much general knowledge.’

  ‘What can I say? My Children’s First Encyclopedia serves me well. There are tons more Maltesers in the box or are you enjoying the chase?’

  ‘I only like Maltesers when they play hard to get. They may roll away, but that’s just tactics. Mmm . . .’ Moss finally caught one. It was obviously the start of a beautiful relationship.

  ‘Are you practising for this evening? The chase part, not the stingray part obviously.’

  ‘I live in
hope. Also I’m a bit bored. I mean, I don’t have a Hollywood action film to keep me occupied.’

  ‘Yeah, right. I wish. I’m so not getting that Straker part. The clue is in the word “action” which isn’t exactly me.’ I was pretty sure that none of my sports teachers would have endorsed me for a role requiring ‘tough inner and physical resilience’. ‘Anyway, Stella phoned to say the audition’s been postponed again so it’ll probably never happen.’

  ‘It has to happen. It’s got everything: post-apocalyptic harrowing events, romance, psychological damage.’

  Of course I’d told Moss about my ‘confidential film project’. More than half our conversations were about ‘secret’ things (and about half of them actually were secret). And, not only had I told her, I’d shown her the scenes and practised them with her too. I would not have been a true friend if I hadn’t given her the opportunity to try and say the line ‘EAT the bugs, Straker. Just EAT the bugs!’, with a straight face (she failed).

  ‘Well, if it does happen, it won’t be with me. It’s a big part so it’ll go to someone who actually knows what they’re doing. And literally nothing else is happening on the acting front.’

  ‘Does it get to you?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Waiting.’

  I shrugged. I knew it was part of the process, so I wanted to be all cool about it. But I was no good at being patient. At all. Ever.

  ‘If you want a lift, you need to come now,’ called my dad from the bottom of the stairs.

  We stampeded down and there was a bit of pause when Dad saw us. I like to think it was awe. Well, it was something anyway.

  Mum came out of the kitchen to check us over. ‘I think I may have had that very skirt,’ she said. As ‘that very skirt’ was a ball of lime-green taffeta that made me look like I was half girl-half Granny Smith apple, I hoped she was joking.